Alone time? What’s that?

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by Jillian Pesce

Children sleeping and dreaming in bed. Mother cover her little s

Balancing the demands of parenting, work and marriage can leave Jillian Pesce exhausted. But, she writes, “I guess alone time can wait.” ©Adobe Stock

Does alone time exist for a full time working mother with two little boys age 2 and 4?

I’ve been trying to grab bits and pieces of alone time throughout a given day or night and let me tell you…it’s hard, a rarity.

Alone time to me has two aspects. The first type of course is time all by myself. Then there’s alone time with your spouse. Both can be a struggle.

Here’s a sneak peek into the world of my husband and I; we’ve been married seven years. I’m a full time sales professional. I sell payroll, human resources and time and attendance record keeping solutions to businesses. I happen to enjoy it very much although being in a sales position can be extremely stressful. There are great ups and downs in sales.

You’re only as good as your last sale even though you work diligently. As sales people, we live and die by our numbers. However, being in this position, I have a lot of flexibility to get my work done and I can make my own schedule. This comes in handy as a mom of two little boys. I’ve been working from home for about 12 years so I’m extremely disciplined to get my work done. Some days that means hitting the computer late night or super early in the morning.

My husband has been in construction for almost 18 years. He is very good at his job but it is back breaking hard labor and is non-stop all day. When he gets home he is exhausted especially since he gets up between 4 to 5 a.m. Sometimes he gets home to late to even see the kids. His days are very long so most nights he’s ready for bed around 8:30 p.m., and I can’t blame him.

Our two little boys are the joy of our life. After a hard day they can give you a hug or a smile that can make all the bad feelings go away. But they need us. And we didn’t become parents to let them raise themselves. We are very present with them. We do everything we can to make sure they feel loved and safe. They both have speech delays and motor planning delays. We count our blessings because they are healthy and happy little boys.

We didn’t become parents to let them raise themselves. We are very present with them.

But speech and language delays coupled with motor delays means they need services provided to them by the county and district to help them progress. Our 4-year-old has been getting services for two years and the progress has been tremendous. He’s still not caught up to the kids in his class but he’s getting there with the help of four specialty therapists. Our 2-year-old just started services. He’s still little but we are hopeful he will quickly catch up.

Between the two of them, they receive sixteen different sessions a week whether it’s speech therapy, occupational or physical therapy, or special instruction every week. Trying to manage all of those sessions throughout the week can be very challenging. We do it because their well-being is our first priority.

I feel like our days are jammed packed. During the week it almost feels like we are robots. Get up and do the morning routine. Get ready for work and get the boys to school and the babysitter. After work, bring them to their sessions. Run errands and then come home and make dinner. Play time with the boys, then bath time and bed.

So sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel after a long day becomes extremely dim if getting the kids to bed is a struggle. There are nights I spend forty-five minutes trying to get them to sleep. Then I find my husband is going into bed himself. That window of time to watch an episode of one of our shows is missed. I get aggravated because I so desperately long for time just with him. We need time together and when we don’t get it, it can be a strain.

Then there’s personal time. I sometimes force myself to stay awake to check social media or watch something on HGTV just to feel like I had time for myself. But truth be told, I’m exhausted and most of the time only make it for thirty minutes tops! I try to exercise in the morning but if they get up early, they watch me and we sing, and they perhaps ask me for drinks or snacks. But I feel like at least I’m getting a work-out in.

My life isn’t unlike any mom of two. We all are struggling to find balance. We all long for alone time. But on the weekends, we are a wolf pack of four and spend as much of our time together as a family as we can. Since I need my job, we value our weekend family time more than anything. So, sometimes alone time has to wait. They are only this little for so long.

Jill Pesce is a sales professional; she also enjoys her family and writing about their life.

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